Letting Go and Reconnecting

I have spent a lot of my life trying to hold onto friends, sometimes too tightly. This caused me to get hurt and create a fear of abandonment. Over the years I have learnt to let go and accept that sometimes people drift apart and it's completely normal. People change or get busy with their lives and, while those people once fit that chapter of my life, they don't fit the next phase of my journey. And that's okay. It's not a reflection on me as a person it is just a fact of life. Equally, it's not a reflection on them either. As long as no "big bust up" happened you can enjoy the memories you had with them.

Having said that, letting go of some friendships made me remember about the ones I still had. Ones you always say 'Let's catch up sometime' but you genuinely mean it. These are people I think of as friendship soul mates. Friends that you don't always have to talk to daily but when you do there is no change, you pick up right where you left off. So, while I let go of friendships that come to a natural end I can then focus my energy on friends that are always there but I haven't been able to connect with as much as I'd like.

I recently saw my friend Chloe who I've known for 11/12 years and hadn't seen each other for 4 years. But when we saw each other it was like nothing had changed. We got drunk to musicals and gushed about our favourite shows. We even got to bond over shared experiences of accepting we were bisexual (her) and queer (me) and got to meet new aspects of each other. We then got onto the dark and deep stuff. Surprisingly, there were a lot of parallels in what we'd experienced over the past few years and it didn't hurt to bring it up. I felt safe talking to her about it and it felt right to share in the moment. After we'd spoken Chloe then turned to me and said: 

'I'm sorry I wasn't there for you' 

I was so shocked at first because I hadn't thought of that at all. But, as I reminded her, she didn't know. I didn't tell her what I was going through and she didn't tell me. What's important with reconnecting with good friends is remembering it's not about the time you missed it's about the time you make up now. 

(Photo I took of the harbour near where Chloe lives)

I think during the pandemic I felt of mix of needing to check in on everyone and also overwhelmed with the idea of talking to so many people at once. There's no right or wrong way with dealing with something like that. I checked in on a few people but overall I much prefer seeing people in person. At the end of the day, during the pandemic I lost 2 grandparents, I had a dissertation to write and then I was thrust into the world of working full time. Life (even without a plague) is A LOT. But as we come out of the restrictions of the pandemic I feel a bigger urge to see people and fill up my calendar with meet ups. 

What I will say is reconnecting feels so good. Making plans with life long friends you haven't seen in a long time can seem overwhelming but is so worth it. I think it's especially overwhelming if you've changed a lot during the time you haven't seen each other. I personally worry about things like: will we still get on? What if we don't get each other anymore? Will they like this new version of me? Regardless of all those worries. it's worth the try. If you find you don't fit anymore then that's something you can work through but if, like Chloe and I, you find you fit together perfectly the same then it's a wonderful feeling. 

I've even got another old friend (Hadie),who I haven't been able to see for years, booked in to see this weekend. I'm so excited to see her! 

Maybe take some time to reach out to old friends you really miss and arrange something. You may have to book to see each other in 4 months time but it will be worth it!