Breaking Up With Change-fobia
I will hold my hand up and fully admit I have been known to be a huge hater of 'change' (which I have now dubbed 'change-phobia') for as long as I can remember. Whatever it is, whether it be: moving, getting a new job, drifting apart from old friends or even something trivial like a main character leaving my favourite TV show (I'm still dealing with SSA Aaron Hotchner leaving 'Criminal Minds') I still hate it. Nonetheless, a lot has changed in my life recently and I have had to learn to embrace change and actually learn to like it.
From what I've learnt fear of change is actually a lot to do with fear of the unknown and the idea of veering from normal routine. It was a mix of both for me but I think what a lot of it was my love for routine. Routines felt safe and easy, 'Nothing can go wrong if I have a routine' is what I used to think. Let me put it this way: I have wanted to dye my hair a bright colour for a long time and yet I never actually caved and got it done. It was the thought that I would have made a drastic change; I'd have to look in the mirror everyday with different hair! Different! Change! Aaaaaah! This is what my brain would do, I'd persuade myself it was a bad idea so I wouldn't end up doing it. So my hatred of change made me less open to exciting new things and adventure. I always kept it safe. Recently though, like I said, I've had to embrace a lot of change and actually make some changes of my own. I had to realise that some things that I had in my life or things that I was doing, although once making me happy, were just not for me anymore. I needed to take a step back from the situations I was putting myself in so I could allow myself to grow. Now, I dyed my hair! I actually got my hair done and got it bleached and put purple into it! And I'm really freaking happy about it! It's surprising how changing something like your hair can feel so freeing. After doing my hair I found out a little more about embracing change.
Once you make a small change in your life and do something for you rather than panicking about what everyone else is going to think is truly liberating. Despite it being scary and not easy for everyone it is so valid and important because it's self care. Self care isn't spoken about enough, for some people they deem it as 'selfish' but it's not at all. What it is is taking care of yourself so you can be happy and feel more like you. I needed to break away from all of my usual habits and deal with my own issues first so I could heal (a change in itself). What I discovered was that there was this whole other side to me I was squishing down so I didn't change things in my life too drastically but I was hurting myself in the process. I spent so much time scared of losing friends or scared of changing aspects of myself I didn't even give this new me a chance.
Change is a part of everyday life and it doesn't have to be scary. It's about teaching yourself that it's okay to mourn things that once were but not allowing that grief to stop you from moving forward. A big example of this is Tarot Cards. Tarot Cards have a very specific card within them called the 'Death' card. When people see this card they instantly panic and scream that they're going to die when in actual fact that isn't what the card means at all. The 'Death' card is about the ending of a cycle in your life, it's about change and rebirth. Think of it as the phoenix card rather than the 'Death' card. It's a card that literally says how change is a part of life whether it's good or bad! It's absolutely okay to be apprehensive when something in your life has changed or even ended but it's making it into a new cycle. Whether that be an adventure you once planned finally coming to fruition or an adventure you had planned that is now no longer happening, it doesn't mean everything is over. I got made redundant late last year and I thought it was the end of the world. I thought 'Holy hell what am I going to do my safety net is gone help help help'. Once the dust had cleared I realised I was free. I wasn't as happy in the job as I had thought and now was an opportunity for me to really think of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go without feeling stuck.
'You are never stuck', do you know who says that? Me. I had been saying this to many people I know when they're having an existential crisis but never to myself. No matter if it's a job, a relationship, a previous career goal, anything, you have the ability to change it. If you have thought for years your life was going one way and suddenly it's not it's okay it just now means you have a whole world of new possibilities. It's a cliché but life is far too short to just stay in the safe lane and be unhappy just because change is too scary. In saying 'No, that's not okay' or 'But I actually want to do that' is a hard thing, I'm still trying to do it more, but it feels so good when you do. It takes courage but it's fulfilling. At the end of the day, you have to make the change that is right for you and I won't say every decision you make will be easy but in the long run you can look back and know you've learnt from that experience. I won't sit here and pretend that I've completely gotten over my relationship with hating change; I'm just slowly starting to tell it we need some time apart so I can work up to the break up. It is still okay to be wary about situations and take a step back and think about your actions before doing them however the fact that it's 'change' shouldn't be the reason for not doing things.
From what I've learnt fear of change is actually a lot to do with fear of the unknown and the idea of veering from normal routine. It was a mix of both for me but I think what a lot of it was my love for routine. Routines felt safe and easy, 'Nothing can go wrong if I have a routine' is what I used to think. Let me put it this way: I have wanted to dye my hair a bright colour for a long time and yet I never actually caved and got it done. It was the thought that I would have made a drastic change; I'd have to look in the mirror everyday with different hair! Different! Change! Aaaaaah! This is what my brain would do, I'd persuade myself it was a bad idea so I wouldn't end up doing it. So my hatred of change made me less open to exciting new things and adventure. I always kept it safe. Recently though, like I said, I've had to embrace a lot of change and actually make some changes of my own. I had to realise that some things that I had in my life or things that I was doing, although once making me happy, were just not for me anymore. I needed to take a step back from the situations I was putting myself in so I could allow myself to grow. Now, I dyed my hair! I actually got my hair done and got it bleached and put purple into it! And I'm really freaking happy about it! It's surprising how changing something like your hair can feel so freeing. After doing my hair I found out a little more about embracing change.
Once you make a small change in your life and do something for you rather than panicking about what everyone else is going to think is truly liberating. Despite it being scary and not easy for everyone it is so valid and important because it's self care. Self care isn't spoken about enough, for some people they deem it as 'selfish' but it's not at all. What it is is taking care of yourself so you can be happy and feel more like you. I needed to break away from all of my usual habits and deal with my own issues first so I could heal (a change in itself). What I discovered was that there was this whole other side to me I was squishing down so I didn't change things in my life too drastically but I was hurting myself in the process. I spent so much time scared of losing friends or scared of changing aspects of myself I didn't even give this new me a chance.
Change is a part of everyday life and it doesn't have to be scary. It's about teaching yourself that it's okay to mourn things that once were but not allowing that grief to stop you from moving forward. A big example of this is Tarot Cards. Tarot Cards have a very specific card within them called the 'Death' card. When people see this card they instantly panic and scream that they're going to die when in actual fact that isn't what the card means at all. The 'Death' card is about the ending of a cycle in your life, it's about change and rebirth. Think of it as the phoenix card rather than the 'Death' card. It's a card that literally says how change is a part of life whether it's good or bad! It's absolutely okay to be apprehensive when something in your life has changed or even ended but it's making it into a new cycle. Whether that be an adventure you once planned finally coming to fruition or an adventure you had planned that is now no longer happening, it doesn't mean everything is over. I got made redundant late last year and I thought it was the end of the world. I thought 'Holy hell what am I going to do my safety net is gone help help help'. Once the dust had cleared I realised I was free. I wasn't as happy in the job as I had thought and now was an opportunity for me to really think of what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go without feeling stuck.
'You are never stuck', do you know who says that? Me. I had been saying this to many people I know when they're having an existential crisis but never to myself. No matter if it's a job, a relationship, a previous career goal, anything, you have the ability to change it. If you have thought for years your life was going one way and suddenly it's not it's okay it just now means you have a whole world of new possibilities. It's a cliché but life is far too short to just stay in the safe lane and be unhappy just because change is too scary. In saying 'No, that's not okay' or 'But I actually want to do that' is a hard thing, I'm still trying to do it more, but it feels so good when you do. It takes courage but it's fulfilling. At the end of the day, you have to make the change that is right for you and I won't say every decision you make will be easy but in the long run you can look back and know you've learnt from that experience. I won't sit here and pretend that I've completely gotten over my relationship with hating change; I'm just slowly starting to tell it we need some time apart so I can work up to the break up. It is still okay to be wary about situations and take a step back and think about your actions before doing them however the fact that it's 'change' shouldn't be the reason for not doing things.
Nothing in life is a constant - except change. It's funny that we hold on to routines and to things and to people because it gives us a sense of security. In reality it is this behaviour that actually holds us back from reaching our true potential and from experiencing everything life has to offer. You have nothing to fear except fear itself....
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